Mom Guilt : Missing my little one while she is away

There is usually at least one day a week where I feel like I can’t get it together – the house is upside down, the laundry pile seems to be growing despite my best efforts and the girls are twirling on my very last nerve. These are the days I’m usually wishing grandma and grandpa would give me a call and say “hey, we thought we would swing by and pick up the kids! You could probably use a break right?” And let me tell you, a break is needed at times. Even with the overwhelming love I have for my babies, sometimes I feel like I just want to be Michelle for just 15 minutes and not “mama, mama, mama, mama…”

My darling Madison, she’s three now and in full “MOMMY, MOM, MAMA…” swing, it’s all day! Pair that with little Mila trying to sneak up the stairs any chance she gets and you get one tired mom. So when Madison asked to stay at grandma’s this week, we were certainly ok with it, it’s good for us all, grandma gets time with her girl and Madison gets time with grandma, mom and dad get a mental and physical break and baby gets time with mommy exclusively.

But after a few hours I find myself twiddling my thumbs and realizing how much time I have on my hands when it’s just me and my baby girl. I remember what it is like to be a mom of one and how easy it seems (now…not then!) I love for Mila to experience time with just mommy, so she can have my undivided attention even if just for a day or two the way Madison did for two years. To experience her milestones without distraction and get to know her little personality as it develops day by day, minute by minute. And then when she goes down for her nap and I have caught up on housework, that’s when I realize just how wrapped up in my kids I really am!

Photo 2017-11-09, 3 25 57 PM
Just mommy and Mila on this cold day! 

 

All the things I crave to do for myself everyday seems to be completely forgotten when I actually get the time. All I can do is dwell over how quiet and clean my house is. I look around my kitchen and it is so clean – I’m not use to this! My compulsive/OCD side is squealing with pride and joy – but I can feel something is missing. That mess that I loathe so much is also the sign of happy children playing and exploring and it takes these breaks for me to realize that it is as much apart of motherhood as everything else. And it’s a great reminder to not sweat the small stuff, just enjoy the beautiful, magical, fleeting ride it is in all it’s messy glory.

So as much as I miss story time and laughing with my lady, I’m going to make myself a list of things I would like to do for me (just myself – not my mom self but me as a women who never takes a time out) – and do them!

I’m trying to remind myself that it’s ok to carve out some time for myself and that in the big picture a happy mommy = happy kids. I never thought I would be the kind of mom who always feels like she has to do everything, I grew up living with my grandparents and because of that I have such a special relationship with them and feel so blessed to experience so much love from them. Maybe it’s the standards of today and the idea that were all suppose to be super moms? Maybe it’s because they’re still so little and eventually these feelings will change with time? Any other mama’s feel this way or do you relish the time their away?

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

 

With Love,

Michelle and the minis xo

 

 

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